What does it means to walk the “path of one”?
Much of what there is to be known about this world is yet unknown to the majority of us. It is precisely during such times as these—when we are challenged to the core of our being—that we begin to shift our willingness to perceive something more subversive in the world we previously were oblivious to. What it comes down to—is the thing that leads you further down the road to self-knowing, no matter how odd the circumstances may be, or how difficult the explanations are to be reckoned. In light of that, I cannot confess to a full understanding myself, but only say as true as I can, there is more to life than what meets the eye.
Without further ado, here is a recount of what I endured during this miraculous unfolding:
As I moved out on my own at the end of my marriage, I began to understand the world in a different way. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to in order to survive the fear that presented itself to me. I was laid off from work one month after moving into my new flat, with all the responsibility and expenses that go with it. Fear was knocking on my door.
I survived the transition somehow, and I'll never forget the reason why. It was my own will that saw me through this frightening experience. I willed the universe to give me a higher understanding of the mountain I was having to climb. I couldn’t do it on my own, so I begged the universe to show me the way. I do believe, after all this time of hindsight, that that was the one pivotal moment that enabled me to survive what I was about to be faced with—the need to grow my awareness exponentially. Because, without the willingness to see the situation in another light, and without my willingness to allow a deeper understanding of the peculiar events I was to encounter, I don’t really know what would have come of me. Who can say? But, I do know it is what saved the day, so to speak.
Several months after being laid off I found myself in a new work position that I enjoyed for a significant period of time. It gave me the means to survive the next phase of the awareness process. It happened early one morning as I was getting out of bed. It was still dark outside. As I stood up out of bed (top floor loft) my TV switched on just below me on the main floor. It startled me, to say the very least. Was somebody down there playing with my television? As it turned out, there was no one, but I could not get the TV to switch off! Every time I turned it off, it would turn back on. After several attempts, I finally had to unplug it.
Next, a series of inexplicable events began to unfold that are too numerous to describe here. However, there is one incident I wish to share, as it was unforgettable. I was sitting in the living room early one evening when this horrific head pain came over me. It was equivalent to a migraine of massive proportions so intense that my whole body began to shake. I thought about calling an ambulance. After enduring this pain for over 30 min. the pain began to subside. What I eventually surmised from this event was that I was being inducted as the only student into a quasi PhD program from “The Cosmic School of Higher Learning", and I had no say in the matter. My compliance would be in direct relation to the level of pain I would endure! The more I allowed the process to guide me, the more growth I would achieve. The head pain was merely an example of what could be should I choose to fight the process. This may sound quite untoward, but that was the nature of my experience.
The next major event was as though the life-force in me was turned way down, just shy of null. This deep sense of loss and emptiness went on for some time. Most people call this severe depression. I call it, loss of Self. This experience was letting me know that there is more to being alive than just our human identity or physical body. Had it not been for my sense of awareness I simply would not have survived it. It was THAT hard. As close as I can surmise, 99% of the population would have either killed themselves, become drug addicts, alcoholics, or would have committed themselves to therapy for deep psychological distress and probably would be prescribed medications indefinitely. But, I was not willing and able to take this path, because something deep inside me said, NO, to all that. I was going to have to work it out on my own, and it was going to be an organic process of self-inquiry and understanding. To compound matters, I had no guide or notion of what was to come. This lack of support contributed to the overwhelming sense of isolation and was most definitely one of the hardest parts in the process. There was no guidebook to show me what to expect or how to address these deep, dark emotional moments of loss. I was on my own and my only ally was my own awareness—that other side of me, the higher mind, that was there to pull me through. It took a great deal of self-trust and self-fortitude to cross this bridge of understanding.
Unfortunately, this process did not end overnight. Nor did it end in a few months or a few years. No, it took 10 yrs to overcome this experience. But, with all the heartache and trauma that followed me during these years of process, I have become something other than what I could have anticipated—a survivor of an evolutional process that many more like me will be challenged to overcome in the years ahead. So, can I say I am glad for it all? Not necessarily at this moment, no, but I do know one thing … One day, the path will reveal itself at such depth that I will have forgotten that any of this ever hurt me one bit.
Where I stand today is far and away from where I started at birth. I am still in this evolutionary process, but that’s OK, because what I’ve gained is far beyond that which I otherwise could have or would have gained any other way in the world. I have become a person of acute awareness, and I have gained a world of wisdom through this process of the great unfolding, a path we will all know one day. I hope my experience and knowledge gained will be to your advantage, to assist and support your path and make it a little more agreeable. That will have made it all worthwhile. Happy trails to you all.
Thanks for listening.
Pamela